I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
ok first of all what the fuck
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
