your thong is hanging out like whoa
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
