don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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