Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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