That's intense
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
