with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
