ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
