Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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