Dual....:-)
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
