Sorry, I don't speak sober.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
