Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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