It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
