you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
