I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
