Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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