Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
