Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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