he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
