there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
