Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
