I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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