Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
