I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
