Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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