4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
