There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
