Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
