he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
did you just send me my own nude
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
