Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
