so that wasnt chicken after all
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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