Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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