that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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