What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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