I feel like I'm in dance class right now
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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