I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
