I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
