$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
