The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Randomize
