I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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