I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
