your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
