September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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