I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
