when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
