you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
