Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
