So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
