Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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