I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
