Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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