We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I want to be your penis for a week.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
