she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
