I think I am morally bankrupt
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
