i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
