Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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