I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
