I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
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